As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been revisiting a lot regarding my religious views… I finished Exodus last night and am part way through Leviticus already. I had Ben over for dinner the other night and as I set his dinner in front of him, he asked to pray first. I said, “You want to say a prayer before we eat?” He said, “Yeah.”

Mind you…I have never lead a prayer in my life…unless you count the prayer from For Richer or Poorer with Tim Allen. I’ve said prayers while alone, and lately that’s been a nightly routine as I lay down in bed, but I’ve never lead prayer for someone else. I asked Ben if he wanted to lead the prayer and he said no…he didn’t know what to say.

So…I winged it…and Ben smiled and said, “Yeah! That’s good! Amen!”

I used to listen to Air1 radio at work but for the past few years, just K99 country music radio. I remember though that they used to talk about how listening to Air1 for a month could be lifechanging even if you’re not the religious type. So I switched all my radios back over to Air1 to see how much that helps change my mindset. Last year during their radiothon, my boss had left Air1 on in the tractor one day and I decided to make a donation in memory of my Grandpa Reno. It made me feel pretty good then. So yeah, I dunno… I’m proud seeing Ben being such a good kid and I’ve been trying to do better as well. Still have 59 more books to read though…but I’ve been doing pretty good about reading every night before bed. Was aiming for one book per night, but Exodus took me four or five.

I was talking with one of my new friends from Germany a couple days ago while discussing balancing my priorities and how I had a huge problem with hyperfixation due to what I presume is undiagnosed ADHD. While I was focusing on those hyperfixations, I would consistently put my family dead last on my list of priorities rather than first where they belonged, and should always belong.

While talking, I mentioned that, “Ironically, most people with ADHD don’t do well in school and I was the opposite…I graduated near the top of my class and did awesome in school. Just not so awesome in life.”

He sent me this video clip from Joe Rogan’s podcast and it really made me think back…

Instead of typing up a super long blog post about this video, I’m going to keep this one short and just post what I sent him after watching it last night.

“I forgot to watch that Joe Rogan clip on ADHD until last night…that was really interesting and actually makes a lot of sense that it’s not a disease but rather a coping mechanism. He mentioned parents not being there to comfort us.

That may be WHY I didn’t have any symptoms of ADHD during my childhood. My parents were both always present and we were always very close. I was a sophomore in high school when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. While she was going through her surgeries and chemotherapy, my grandparents would drive 5 hours each way to come stay with us for weeks at a time helping out around the house while my dad helped take care of my mom. My mom still tried to be there for us, but obviously as her health deteriorated, she was unable to do as much as she wanted. She passed away on Easter Sunday my junior year of high school.

My grandparents went home soon after, my brother started rebelling, we stopped going to church and my dad started drinking and spending his Friday nights at the bar with coworkers while we just kind of did our own thing…and when things got uncomfortable, there was no one there to comfort us anymore.“

What the doctor said makes perfect sense to me…and it also may explain why I didn’t have behavioral problems growing up, but developed poor coping skills as I was entering adulthood, which were exacerbated as I began to settle down with my wife, we started our family, and then we hit a really really stressful time in our lives when Ben was diagnosed with HSV-1 and we thought we were going to lose him. I relied heavily on the coping skills I had developed after my very traumatic experience with my mom and everything started unravelling.

I think I’m going to add that doctor’s book on ADHD to my list. I’m currently reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits and am not ready to stop reading and learning just yet.

If the title of this blog confuses you, let me introduce you to Chris Webby…I enjoy his music.

Well, where do I begin? I deleted my old blog…I hadn’t used it in ages but I have entered what I guess you could call a midlife crisis so I decided that it’s time to start writing again as I navigate that new part of my life and focus on trying to get my head on straighter than it’s ever been. Hence, the reboot.

If that’s the kind of thing you’re into, I guess you’re in the right place. Sit down, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

I know I’m leaving things pretty vague in this post and I apologize for that, but if you could spend just 30 seconds in my head, you would also come to the realization that it’s a complete disaster in there. As I collect my thoughts and put things into writing, things will become far more clear. At least I hope so.