I was talking with one of my new friends from Germany a couple days ago while discussing balancing my priorities and how I had a huge problem with hyperfixation due to what I presume is undiagnosed ADHD. While I was focusing on those hyperfixations, I would consistently put my family dead last on my list of priorities rather than first where they belonged, and should always belong.
While talking, I mentioned that, “Ironically, most people with ADHD don’t do well in school and I was the opposite…I graduated near the top of my class and did awesome in school. Just not so awesome in life.”
He sent me this video clip from Joe Rogan’s podcast and it really made me think back…
Instead of typing up a super long blog post about this video, I’m going to keep this one short and just post what I sent him after watching it last night.
“I forgot to watch that Joe Rogan clip on ADHD until last night…that was really interesting and actually makes a lot of sense that it’s not a disease but rather a coping mechanism. He mentioned parents not being there to comfort us.
That may be WHY I didn’t have any symptoms of ADHD during my childhood. My parents were both always present and we were always very close. I was a sophomore in high school when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. While she was going through her surgeries and chemotherapy, my grandparents would drive 5 hours each way to come stay with us for weeks at a time helping out around the house while my dad helped take care of my mom. My mom still tried to be there for us, but obviously as her health deteriorated, she was unable to do as much as she wanted. She passed away on Easter Sunday my junior year of high school.
My grandparents went home soon after, my brother started rebelling, we stopped going to church and my dad started drinking and spending his Friday nights at the bar with coworkers while we just kind of did our own thing…and when things got uncomfortable, there was no one there to comfort us anymore.“
What the doctor said makes perfect sense to me…and it also may explain why I didn’t have behavioral problems growing up, but developed poor coping skills as I was entering adulthood, which were exacerbated as I began to settle down with my wife, we started our family, and then we hit a really really stressful time in our lives when Ben was diagnosed with HSV-1 and we thought we were going to lose him. I relied heavily on the coping skills I had developed after my very traumatic experience with my mom and everything started unravelling.
I think I’m going to add that doctor’s book on ADHD to my list. I’m currently reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits and am not ready to stop reading and learning just yet.
If the title of this blog confuses you, let me introduce you to Chris Webby…I enjoy his music.
