Josh Bitches About Dating Sites

So I’ve had an account on plenty of Fish for God only knows how long now…whenever I would start seeing somebody I used to delete my account, but after creating a new account from scratch 3 or 4 times, I finally said fuck it and started hiding it when I’d see someone new and when things didn’t work out, I’d unhide it and continue where I left off (much easier than rewriting my stupid profile). I’ve begun to notice some trends though…and I will now bitch about them.

1.) I can be shallow I admit it…but the fat girls are deceiving so I say we’re even. The fat girls rely on “the angles” to make themselves look hot in their pics. You will never see a full body shot unless it’s from a crazy angle that makes their gut hard to notice until you look closer and then go, “WHOA!” Seriously…I’m not into bigger girls, but there are a lot of guys who prefer it. You owe it to anyone who may be interested in dating you to be honest with how you look. They’re going to find out as soon as they meet you! Make the first date less awkward and just post some normal body shots for Christ’s sake!

2.) Your baby is your world. I get it. Every fucking girl with a kid/kids has to state that. “I have a son and he is my world!” No fucking shit. While you’re at it, Captain Obvious, maybe you should let anyone reading your profile know that you’re female too. I’m not THAT experienced with dating girls with kids and even I fully understand that when you have a child, they are your world just like they should be. What I’d rather know about is if you DON’T give two shits about your kid…so I know to stay the fuck away.

3a.) “Where are all the good guys at?!”

I’M RIGHT FUCKING HERE! CHECK YOUR GOD DAMNED INBOX! I MESSAGED YOU BUT YOU IGNORED IT!

3b.) “I’m so sick of all these little boys…I need a real man!”

See above. While you’re at it, spend a few fucking minutes reading the profiles of the guys you message or who message you rather than gawk at their pictures and you can probably see their true colors. These girls on this website are SO desperate to find Prince Charming, they ignore the profile information and just go straight to, “Hey you’re sexy…let’s hang out (read: watch a movie and fuck).”

I had a girl message me one day…I’ll give her credit, she tried to strike up a conversation…

“Hi, I’m __________…you seem interesting. What kind of movies do you like?”

*facepalm*

First thing I do is click “Viewed Me” and I see that she hasn’t viewed my profile…but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out anyway considering in my profile it said, “I like to sit and watch movies quite a bit…usually scary movies and action movies.” Yep. So, I seem interesting, yet you don’t know a God-damned thing about me. Cool…we’re gonna get along great!

4.) “Don’t message me if you’re ugly!”

Great, I’ll keep that in mind…I don’t have high self-confidence so it’s easy for me to decide whether I’m ugly or not, but ugliness is an opinion right??? So how exactly do people with high self-confidence determine whether they’re ugly or not?

5.) This is a good one too…one word answers. Had a girl click that she wanted to meet me…she was pretty, seemed interesting based on her profile information WHICH I READ, so I strike up a conversation with her. All she did was answer every question straight and to the point and didn’t give anything whatsoever to build off of. That wasn’t a survey I sent you to fill out, it was meant to help start a conversation. Thanks for making sure THAT didn’t happen. Next time I’ll just get right to the point…

“Hello,

I don’t have a huge dick and I know I’m not the greatest looking…but I think you’re pretty and seem interesting based on your profile so why don’t you come over here say, tomorrow night at 8pm. We’ll watch movies, make out, and see if one thing leads to another to end the night in a happy ending. And then maybe we can get to know each other if we have time.

Sincerely,
Josh”

Dating sites suck. Plain and simple.

3 thoughts on “Josh Bitches About Dating Sites

  1. Break42

    I gotta say, I wouldn’t complain too much about those things that annoy you because they’re good indicators of how much that person will suck. You learn right off the bat how much you won’t enjoy that person. All those girls with the their dumb answers and questions are going to find all thos idiot guys I had to sift through.those people are made for each other.
    The first time I did the dating site thing I definitely made myself sound different than I was, not intentionally. I just thought I was making myself sound better, less crazy/weird by leaving some things out.
    3 years later when I was back on the market and trying again, I said fuck it and just laid it all out, if they were turned off by my crazy than they obviously weren’t the one for me. Found the most amazing person that way.
    Chin up! Sorry you have to go through all those idiots but I’m sure there’s a lady in there somewhere who’s finally figured her shit out and would be perfect for you.
    Also, I used okcupid if you haven’t tried that one before…

  2. Josh Blackshire Post author

    LOL…yeah, my brain is broke too. Pretty sure there’s more involved than just lack of sleep though…lmao.

    True on the indicators of how much they’ll suck…aside from a few changes, I’m glad they utilize those indicators, but it’d be nice if most of them would just figure out how to use a little common sense…

    I’ll have to check out okcupid…after I wake up…

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