Don’t read too much into it…

…the song that is. I just threw it in there for shits and giggles.

You know, every semi-serious relationship I get into, I always have to quiz myself on the relationship…it’s a simple quiz, only one question, and to be perfectly honest, I usually fail it.

The Question: What is love?

The Answer: Well, I don’t usually have an answer…and thus I usually avoid using the term “love” until it’s used toward me. Even when I would use it back, I still wouldn’t actually know the answer…did I really ever LOVE them? No clue (and no offense intended).

Leave it to me to wait until a relationship has ended in order to start answering these questions for myself. These are solely my personal opinions and are not based upon any facts so don’t think I’m preaching to any of my readers that they have no clue what love really is. That’s not the case.

Love is…trying your damnedest not to make your girl cry…and when you do make her cry, you better feel fucking terrible and show her that she’s still your number one girl. I don’t mean go out and buy her roses or chocolates to suck up. Fuck material items. That just shows you use money to buy happiness. PROVE to her that she is special to you with gifts of affection.

Love is still caring about her more than life itself even after things are over with and you shouldn’t have to.

Love is never losing hope that she will come back to you one day, while giving her the space she needs in case things don’t happen that way.

Love is letting her figure out her problems on her own and offering only a few words of guidance even though you wish you could be there to hold her hand and walk her through every obstacle she comes to.

Love is letting her go while trying to prove to her that you’re making the effort to move on as painlessly as possible, when in reality, it’s killed the person you once were…but when you spend time with her or talk to her, you refuse to let her see the emptiness that has become you.

Love is painless, it is not forced, it is mutual and TRUE LOVE is never ending.

Love is not exclusive only between you and “the one”…but it is not an emotion that just bounces from one person to the next either.

Love is giving up on your search for someone else, because you cannot rid yourself of your feelings for her and as much as you hate being alone, it’s better for your future relationships that you remain alone until someone else comes along and replaces that feeling of love within you…for some people this can be a week and for some it can be years. There’s no set time period…it just depends on when the next “right” person enters your life.

I am in love with her…of course I had to realize it way too late…so now, I’m giving up on my search for a new girlfriend. Until someone else comes along to replenish those feelings of love within me, I just need to focus on me. It’s not fair to anyone else for me to force myself to date them when I’m still not over her and I KNOW I’m not over her and while I hate being alone…it’s definitely for the best. I know my family hates seeing me drink…but that’s what I’m doing more of (Hey! At least it’s better than Keno, right?) and to be honest, I probably won’t slow down anytime soon. Lately I’m not doing it so much out of depression. Yeah, I’m lonely…but being with just anyone won’t solve that anyway…it just helps me put my problems on the backburner so I can be happy without anyone else.

I hope this doesn’t get taken the wrong way…it’s not a blog about my depression or anything…just my thoughts on what love really is and how I need to deal with things in order to move on.