Some people wonder why it is that I keep sitting here hoping for a second chance with my ex rather than just sucking it up and moving on like I probably should. Normally, I can and do…or at least after a couple weeks I can. Either we break up and from that point on (or even earlier), I realize things wouldn’t have worked out or after a week or so, you know you get a chance to really reflect on things and you start to see signs you were oblivious to while you were dating that were dead giveaways that she just wasn’t the right person for you. Some of them were signs that you always saw but refused to acknowledge (ie when I dated my previous ex, she barely wanted to sleep in the same bed as me…she wasn’t a cuddler and hated being touched…I like girls who are fairly clingy when they’re trying to fall asleep. It makes me feel wanted. That was something I refused to acknowledge) or some of them were just little quirks that you end up realizing would have driven you nuts (ie bad habits). Well with this last girlfriend, I still can’t come up with a damn thing to put on that list. The closest thing I could think of was that she smoked, but when she was over at my house, she’d go all night without smoking…she just didn’t feel it was necessary when we were together. I’m not saying she was perfect, we all have our own little flaws, but there were no big deal breakers.

The other reason is because I still don’t believe she’s happy with the ex she went back to and I hope she comes to realize she made a mistake going back to him with the hopes that he would/has changed…why she hasn’t already left him yet, I don’t know, but I think she’s either still hopeful he’ll change, trying to force things to work in order to have a family with a guy she was once engaged to, or out to prove us all wrong. We hung out recently and she talked about him. I’m not going to sit here and publicly post everything since there’s about a 98.5% chance she’ll also end up reading this and I don’t want to piss her off by detailing private conversations we’ve had, but I’ll just say from the discussions we’ve had that so far most of what I figured was right, in my opinion. He hasn’t changed for the most part…he’s disrespectful, jealous and just generally treats her like dirt.

I won’t detail my other opinions of him, we’ll just leave it that I still believe he’s a piece of shit and so far from the discussions we’ve had, many of my opinions have been either confirmed or there is evidence that I was right about them.

The other night while we were hanging out, we ended up in a reaaaaally funny but awkward conversation…we’d gone outside to talk while she smoked a cigarette and another guy came out and joined us. We’re sitting around talking and after a bit he looks over and says, “You two should hook up. I can tell from your body language that you’re both into each other. Kinda looking over at each other but looking away to avoid eye contact. It’s really obvious.”

We kinda laughed and he’s like, “I’m serious! You both should! Are you together, are you even friends or do you not even really know each other?”

I’m like, “She’s my ex.”

He goes, “Ohhhh…well you should try things again. There’s obviously still a spark there.”

I can be a bit of an ass at times so I figured now was the best time of any to take a jab at her boyfriend… “Well, I’d be trying for another chance if she wasn’t dating some other douchebag.”

He replied, “Well, she’s about done with him. She just doesn’t realize it yet.”

Surprisingly, she laughed and said, “Oh yeah?” I don’t remember where the conversation went from there but when he went back inside, I swore up and down that I didn’t know him and didn’t stage that conversation…although he’s in there every now and then and I’m totally buying him a beer next time I see him because that was fucking priceless.

But yeah…the above reasons are the main reasons why I refuse to give up on us and just move on. I’m talking with other girls and have already told my ex I’m not going to wait around for her…I’ve gotta live my own life and move on if she never comes back, but I still remain hopeful that she comes to realize what she gave up and sees that he’s never going to change to be the perfect boyfriend/husband (or if he does change, the question…”for how long?” will always be there) whereas she was already happy with me and there was nothing I needed to do in order for her to be happy. I am who I am and I always will be.

Jason Aldean
“Do You Wish It Was Me”

When the sun slowly chases the moon from the sky
And touches your face as you open your eyes
What are you thinking? Do you like what you see?
Is it all that you dreamed of or do you wish it was me?

Is the life that you’ve chosen free from regret?
Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?
Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

I know that you did what you thought you should do
It was safe and secure so completely thought through
You sacrificed passion and abandoned your dreams
Baby, was it all worth it or do you wish it was me?

Does each kiss seem closer to the first or the last?
Is the fire still ragin’ or has it burned down to ash?
Do the memories haunt you? Do they beg and they plead?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

Is the life that you’ve chosen free from regret?
Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?
Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?
Are you satisfied baby? mmm…yeah
Or
Do you wish it was me? (2x)
Oh,
Do you wish it was me?(4x)