Due to everything as of lately hitting me all at once, I’m on the verge of a complete mental breakdown…

My brother has tried to get me to move away with him for a long time now but I’ve refused…either I was dating someone and didn’t want to leave her, I didn’t want to leave my job, or the main problem, I can’t afford it. I’m beginning to rethink this invitation.

I’ve hit an all-time low lately…I’m depressed as fuck, I’m no longer happy at all. A failure with girls…I’ve tried to meet someone else…explored all my options–partied at the bar every weekend, bought numerous girls drinks while I was there, registered an account and really utilized said account on Plenty of Fish with only one person actually responding to my messages, flirted around with quite a few single girls on Facebook, yada yada yada. I’m beginning to realize that while I absolutely love my job…I’m not going to advance much further and every year, the amount of money I owe the government goes up because I’m 1099′d and can’t afford all my bills PLUS taking money out for taxes. I’ll admit it right now, I’m not responsible enough to take my own money out for taxes. I need to find a job where taxes are taken out and quite possibly stop paying a bunch of my bills and just let my credit take a huge hit until I get my finances in order–basically put some bills on the back burner to focus paying others off and then from there slowly work to clear the defaulted stuff off/settle with the credit card companies/collection agencies.

My best friend and roommate is leaving for the Marines in 2 weeks and doesn’t expect to return here anytime soon…my other best friend is back in town after being at school for the past 6 years, but is working on finding a job out of state. Another best friend is getting married tomorrow and has a kid so with our schedules, it’s hard to hang out with him. My family is all gone except for my brother who plans on moving to a location to be determined once he’s got enough money saved up….parents are in Florida, everyone else is in IL.

I’ve started looking at apartments/houses in various locations…mostly small towns where the cost of living isn’t too high…and if things start to look feasible, I may start looking for a job and start putting in applications for anywhere that accepts online applications.

I’m just going crazy and I dunno… maybe it’s time to start over where Josh Blackshire is a name nobody recognizes.